My most prized possession clenched to my tightened chest. Heavy eyes resting on me, as I enter in. I willingly, longingly fixing my attention on the only Hope in the room. It was dark inside, yet His Light lit up every corner of the house. I poured out my heart in unadulterated adoration. He is worthy of all of my praise, even if it is presented in pure brokenness, seemingly contaminated by the onlookers with judgement in their gaze. He said: “Beloved, look at Me! Your praise is a sacrifice with which I am well pleased.”

I knelt down. Swiftly breaking the jar, as to not let any of the precious oil to be wasted. Pouring it over my Servant King’s feet. The aroma danced through the air. My eyes met His. Like the shattered pieces of clay laying next to me, I felt my own brokenness starting to heal. I poured oil out on Him yet His oil, His name like oil poured forth, seeped into every cracked fragment of my broken being. Critically they discussed my act of worship, as if I was suddenly found absent. Yet, Yeshua defended me and found me present and and He made me pure. As we adjourned the gathering, I could still smell the oil on my hands, knowing that I smelt the same way that He did.

“Oh, Yeshua, may this oil keep on flowing in my lamp-like heart until You come again”

(Based on Mark 14:3-9 and Luke 7:36-50)

I recently faced many questions in my heart in regards to the way we worship and more specifically my own way of worship. Was it honouring my King? Was it pleasing to Him? Why so much criticism within the body of believers when it comes to the way we worship? While I was busy battling in my heart, Yeshua reminded me about Mary and her alabaster jar, showing me her heart. Oh, how it pleased Him! Her being was imperfect. She became an object of shame to the onlookers. Critiques feasted on her brokenness. Yet, He said that He dwells with those who have a contrite and broken spirit (Isaiah 57:15) and that He won’t despise our crushed hearts (Psalm 51:17).

1 Samuel 16:7

But Yahweh said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For Yahweh does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but Yahweh looks at the heart.”

As I was meditating on this breath taking scene, making its home in my heart, a song started to burst forth from within the fountain of my soul:

Alabaster jar

Filled with brokenness

Filled with scars

Here at Your feet

Tears and oil

My heart’s creed

You are close to the brokenhearted

Revive the crushed and contrite ones

You are near to those sorrow filled

My broken spirit You won’t despise

This is my sacrifice

This heart of mine

Poured out like new wine

This heart of mine

Still unrefined

Like barley wrapped in twine

Unfeigned heart of mine

My living sacrifice

You are close to the brokenhearted

Catch every teardrop in a jar

Your faithful heart is for a harvest

A harvest ripe with joy

In Your presence

Alabaster jar

Filled with teardrops

Filled with memoirs

Here at Your feet

I found the joy and shalom

My heart needs…

In Your presence!

In that same week I wrote the alabaster jar song, Yeshua reminded me about a dear friend of mine, Mandy Watson, who also wrote a song about this same piece of scripture.

Transparent is a song birthed out of the story of Mary Magdalene who ministered to Jesus with a jar of costly fragrance in the book of Luke. I felt the Lord ask me to meditate on the story because He wanted to give me a song that would minister to Him but also to many broken women. I was pregnant at the time with our 4th child and during my second trimester I had a traumatic miscarriage that took me into a downward emotional spiral and deep valley of grief. This is when I began to meditate on the story about Mary ministering at Jesus feet. In some ways I felt I could relate to her brokenness and her choice to worship the Lord in her vulnerability at all costs despite her circumstances knowing He was the only answer to her healing! And this was how the song Transparent came about.


(Here is another song by Jonathan Ogden about the alabaster jar that really touched my heart…)

Beloved, He longs to be close to our brokenness. Many onlookers might seem surprised and shocked by our brokenness but He never is. He knows your brokenness better than you know it yourself. He longs for you to bring it to Him. It might be extremely vulnerable but His invitation is within transparency “Come, My beloved…as you are…come as a living, fragrant offering..”

In Him we live

And move

And have our being


Carmen Tehillah

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